Everything’s coated
with tinkly music from
a room down the hall.
(a haiku describing a sensation
that accompanied a dissociative
fugue I’ve had during the last
several days)
Latest
Fifty Pushups
“You don’t have to be a hero.
You don’t have to be a god.
You don’t have to live in fear of
no one being overawed.
You don’t have to break the record.
Good enough is good enough.
Even though someone is better,
personal best is the right stuff.”
Good advice and words of wisdom,
serving up that humble pie.
But sufficient it just isn’t,
to inspire one such as I.
Ego driven? Maybe so.
But, I want the world to know!
Ma Said 08
Listen well to the sounds of your life.
Hear how the frogs sing to God
and how the dogs and other animals
recognize the deep spirit of their masters.
Look closely to all that is in your life.
Things you never paid attention to before.
Start this moment and see
what has been in front of you all the time.
Open your God eyes and see
what you have ignored before.
Perhaps miracles are happening all around you.
Cyberdarshan, 9.1.99
Words Heard in a Dream 027
“Buy his receipts and move on.”
He buys things from me. I give him receipts. When I buy back the receipts – not the things – for the same amount of money, the cycle has ended. True value resides in transaction itself, not in any commodity. When the proof of purchase is purchased, the commodity disappears. Penniless, I am liberated into pure action, freed from captivity to objects for sale. The sun rises on a new naked world!
4am Bed Offering
I’m not getting up, I’m giving down.
My sleep will help me feel.
I’m not giving up, I’m getting down.
My dreams will make me real.
From the Kashi Press Release
When asked what her own legacy would be, Ma simply said, “non-judgment.”
By Their Side
Prabhupad passed at 81.
Ma Jaya passed at 71.
But what they gave to everyone
will never ever die.
Prabhupad gave us Krishna’s Flute.
Ma Jaya gave us Gratitude.
And those who feel their loving mood
are always by their side.
Emptiness Fills
We’re lost little children.
Our dear Ma has gone.
But the emptiness fills when
we sing her a song.
The Intersection
I’m at the intersection,
and the traffic light is red.
It’s time for meditation.
I’ll stay here ’til I’m dead.
But life requires a turning,
left, right, or in between.
I’ll act on what I’m learning,
when the traffic light is green.
Boys & The Man
Oh what fun -
firing a gun -
blasting a bottle
straight to hell !
Then of course -
shooting in wars -
follow The Leader
straight to hell !
It’s Boring
Boring a hole,
ignoring the goal.
Imploring, the soul
cries out, “Why?
You’ve laid enough chicks,
you’ve played all your tricks.
All charades! Theatrics!
All gone by.
You dummy, you fool,
you’ve run out of fuel.
You come on like cool,
but you’re not.
And so why pretend.
The show’s at the end.
You know. Now transcend
on the spot!”
Ma!
Ma, you said to me in 1989 “You’re so dried up you’re gonna crack!
Ma, then you said the magic words, “You need some juice!”
Ma, how could you have known that’s what I said to myself in 1966?
Ma, that was when I saw a picture of Chaitanya dancing in ecstasy.
Ma, that day I silently said to myself, “That’s what I need – juice!”
Ma, you gave me the juice, the nectar, the shakti, the Mother.
Ma, you pushed me off the wall of my ego and broke me into pieces.
Ma, you laughed with radiant beams and put me together again.
Ma, you didn’t fit into my concept of a guru and thank God!
Ma, you were always totally beyond me and outside my box.
Ma, you were an island surrounded by an ocean of eternity.
Ma, I didn’t always follow your exact words in your meditations.
Ma, but the sound of your voice carried me to Radha and Krishna.
Ma, you were always inexplicable, the consummate avadhuta.
Ma, I would never quarrel with you about any philosophy.
Ma, you are beyond philosophy and into a world of sweetest love.
Ma, you are safe in my heart and protected from my tricky mind.
Ma, you are now not localized but expanded out into the air.
Ma, your presence is omnipresent. Everything carries your essence.
Ma, you’ll live forever. You’ll smile forever. You’ll laugh forever.
Ma!
When I say she’s omnipresent, I’m not talking metaphysics. Or theology. I am simply a lover seeing the beloved everywhere.
There are two kinds of gurus – initiator and instructor. I was initiated into bhakti-yoga by His Divine Grace A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupad in 1967. I also received much instruction from him. In 1989 I met Ma Jaya Sati Bhagavati. Her instructions complemented Prabhupad’s. He covered the yang, she the yin.
Now they both have passed on. The future lies before me, a great mystery.
Digger O’Dell’s Curtain Call
Moments of lucidity
pepper the lukewarm gruel in my brainpan.
Things in my vicinity
blur as the inverse square of their distance.
Lurings of libidity
slide into heaps that evoke only reminiscence.
Comforts of humility
gurgle in my throat – I know just where I stand.
Target the shrinkwrap.
Note its superior shrouding.
Corpse for sale cheap!
(All done with his carousing.)
It’s only a stage show folks, don’t be surprised.
Ha ha! Got the one-up on you, didn’t I.
Tomorrow I’ll play a handsome lad of twenty!
Who knows how many me’s, there’s plenty.
Bag of tricks, pick up sticks, cast the chinky ching,
climb the mountain, no more pouting, that’s the thing!
Each one born lives a life and finally dies
’til another part to play, and truth to realize.
“Well, I’ve got to be shoveling along.”
Criatividade é a realidade
“…wherever I create I am real…”
Rilke, “Letters on Life”
Twelve Steps To Lunacy
JEALOUSY
“Why does God get all the adoration? Why not me?”
The sin of pride
ENVY
“If I can’t have what God has, I’ll destroy him.”
“To hell with God!”
“I’m God!”
DESPAIR
“There’s nothing of any worth.”
“Nothing exists.”
“Everything is shit.”
EGOTISM
“I’m the only one who counts.”
“I’m the only one who exists.”
Solipsism
“I can do whatever I want, and I’ll get away with it because I’m me!”
EMBARASSMENT
Awareness of my vulnerability, weakness, inadequacy, and limitations
FEAR
“They’ll expose my faults. They’ll make fun of me.”
ANGER
“The bastards! I hate them!”
“I hate the world! I hate the way things are!”
“I’ll fight against it! I’ll fight against Nature itself!”
THE CRIME
Offensive behavior, nonconformity, protests, opposition, arguing
Contrariness, stubbornness, eccentricity, rebellion
Resisting the birth contractions, turning myself around in the womb
Breech birth
My sister said, “You just want to be different.”
Suicide?
Murder?
THE COVERUP
Ignore it, it’ll go away…nobody will notice…
Clean up the scene of the crime!
Make everything look OK.
Smile.
THE LIE
The claim of innocence
“I can’t remember.”
“I don’t know what happened.”
“What’s going on?”
THE ARTFUL DODGER
“I feel awful about this.”
“It happened on my watch.”
“There’s no other explanation – somehow I let it happen.”
THE LUNATIC
“Since I’m God, I accept responsibility.”
“Since I’m being so honest, you must forgive me.”
Words Heard in a Dream 026
“You just close it out, and it corrects itself.”
If only life were that simple…
The White Gazebo
“The accused is hereby found guilty of aggravated negligence, laxity and irresponsibility in the performance of his duties at the Library by not taking sufficient measures to prevent the theft of two Dell laptop computers, and by not reporting his suspicions of the thefts to his supervisor immediately upon becoming aware of the possibility.”
Left lane must turn left,
and the right lane must turn right.
Center lane’s gotta do it again,
gotta do it all through the night.
Buy me some new pants,
buy me some new shirts.
Buy me a belt, gotta tighten it well,
gotta tighten it til it hurts.
The world I often hate
is the world I love too much.
In between the two, gotta make it through,
gotta feel a loving touch.
Couldn’t sleep last night,
something I did wrong.
Will the morning light make it all right?
Make it into a song?
Why do I think I can get away with things that other people can’t? Why do I think I can ignore the precautions, the collaborative discussions, and push through my own plan unilaterally and heedlessly? Why, when I discover I’ve made a terrible mistake, do I cover it up with silence and lies? Why do I lie?
I’m in here. You can’t see me.
What you see is a disguise -
a clever manipulation of matter
to hide the sin of the soul.
I peer out through my eyes,
making sure everything’s in place.
The stage is set for my act
of false faces and sneaky lies.
Inside the sewer of my brain
I wallow in degradation,
and no one will hear my cries
for help. The show must go on!
Of course nobody wants to admit they’re a fool. But in my case it’s something worse. I’ve constructed my whole life around a lie. I was born backwards – a breech birth – because I pretended I didn’t know I was supposed to go out head first. I constructed a false confusion. Why? Because of my stubborn refusal to let things happen the way they were supposed to. While putting on an act of bewilderment, in actuality I was giving the finger to God. The first visible deed of my life was “mooning” the world.
Let it slide.
Sweep it under the rug.
Maybe it’ll just go away.
Don’t tell anybody.
They’ll never find out.
I’ll get away with it.
“I don’t know. What’s going on?”
Make it into a blur.
I superimpose a blurry space
over the desired portion of the world as it is.
But technically a blur
is a shattering into multiple images
very close to each other -
multiple versions of the truth,
no one of them any more real than any other -
no need for commitment or involvement
as I drift alone,
in my void of hopeless hopes.
I began hiding behind glasses at 14.
I confess. I killed her. When I was five. The little girl with the blonde curls. Down the hill out in back of the neighbor’s house. In the white gazebo. But wasn’t that a dream? Was the girl my sister? She’s not dead. But it was so real.
“You have a criminal mind. In that mind, not only have you killed your sister. You’ve killed everyone, including God. You live your life as a dream, a dream of you wandering among ghosts.”
I am superior to others. Contemptuous of them. I’m a privileged character. Everything will go my way. My vision of things is reality.
“You make up lies to cover up your guilt and stupidity. You’re an arrogant egotist.”
I am capable
of sin and stupidity.
I am culpable.
You win. Don’t pity me
as I walk to the chamber
taunted by jeers.
I have talked out my danger -
no more haunted by fears.
“Well, he’s dead. Remember how he blushed when his supervisor first brought it up? The truth came out, one way or another. How many more lives will he live, building false identities in front of himself, before he accepts who he really is? Or, maybe his confession really did cleanse him.”
Maybe his confession
really did cleanse him.
from “The Curves of Time: The Memoirs of Oscar Niemeyer”
The fourth sculpture I designed was a memorial commissioned by the Metalworkers Union in honor of three workers killed by the reactionaries. My creation was so nonconformist, however, that it was blown up on the day of its inauguration by right-wingers who reacted with violence and desperation. The violent explosion shattered the glass windows of neighboring buildings. Notwithstanding direct threats and letters of protest, I suggested that the monument be re-erected with its exposed fractures and the following phrase, which I wrote: “Nothing, not even the bomb that destroyed this monument, is capable of deterring those who struggle for justice and liberty.” To this day the monument, which for the first three days was guarded by a group of metalworkers, is still standing.
No Time
In my youth I was Unitarian,
and an eager seeker of truth.
In the future I’ll be fruitarian.
Oh yes! I’ll eat nothing but fruit!
But the present now presses upon me,
with projects piled high on my desk.
I must feed the feline, and the family,
and respond to every request.
But despite the ant bites I’m getting,
our garden provides me release.
Every week as I do the weeding,
there’s no time. There’s only peace.
The Hub
“The heart is the hub of all sacred places. Go there and roam.”
(Swami Nityananda 1897-1961)
